Sorry to have left you in the dark for a while there. I just haven’t been the best blogger. This is probably becuase I started teaching an intense summer class a few weeks ago, which seems to have sapped all the time/energy I had before.
Things are going okay here. Physically, I keep getting good news. Mentally, I can’t figure out what my problem is. I continue to have a lot of fear and anxiety associated with this pregnancy. Not fear of birth or of getting big. I’m so over that fear (as of now). Just the same old fear that my baby will die. I won’t even get into the nightmares here.
I’m trying to do the right things like take belly shots and think of names and be excitied and talk about it with people who are interested and tell people and dream happy dreams and pick out nursery colors. I’m so far from that today though. I just want to be sedated for the next 5-6 months until someone wakes me up and says, EVERYTHING WAS FINE, HERE’S YOUR BABY. SEE?
It’s not that I’m not grateful and thankful, etc. I’m incredibly so. I just can’t shake the past.
I’ll blog a happy blog soon, I hope!
Hi Emmad,
Weren’t you and hubby seeing a counselor for a while? Maybe you need to go back to see her/him and speak about your overwhelming anxiety. You should be able to get some joy from this pregnancy (particularly because BB is moving now, right?!)! Send those belly shots, baby, and I’ll send some joy your way.
Love, K